I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
