So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
