if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
