Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
