i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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