I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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