omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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