sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
