why didn't you poke me back
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
