I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
