We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
