he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
