did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
