If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
