Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
