Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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