she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
