life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
