I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
