I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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