You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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