P.S. I can't hear my feet
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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