I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
