He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
