so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
