So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
how does that bad decision feel?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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