Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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