Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
