my soul wont recognize me after tonight
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
