I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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