I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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