are you still at the devil's house?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
