Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
