Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
