i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
