I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
