You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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