nut hugger
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
