I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
