Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
