Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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