I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
