I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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