Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
