plz talk dirty to me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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