I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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