i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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