I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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