The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
