How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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