Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
People in love make me want to vomit
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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