The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
