Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
